The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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