I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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