While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
