so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
