So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
