I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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