so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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