i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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