i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
