***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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