dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
