I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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