So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
