Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
