i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just had sex on a roof
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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