I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
