Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
