At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
