From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
