I can text with my tongue
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
