she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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