So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
