i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
