big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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