I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
