Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
