how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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