Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
