Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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