Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
