You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
im on a boat
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