I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
