i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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