She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
