Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
