i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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