New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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