Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
