I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
