i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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