is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
