Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
