Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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