I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
