All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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