what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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