if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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