somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
