He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
