my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
