My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
