I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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