I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
