i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
this boner is exhausting
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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