And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
pop tarts are not kleenex
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
