Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
