also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
