I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So much rum. So many feels.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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