Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
