Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
