i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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