I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
