Umm I'm too high to move.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
