You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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