my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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