planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
